running and hiding

I've run away from my phone.  It's in the bed room and I'm on the couch.  I texted 2 people and I don't want to know or listen to their responses so I ran away.  My heart was pounding too hard to lay there in bed waiting for my phone to vibrate with a reply.

My first message was to Sara.  I let her know that I will be picking Adam up from the airport tomorrow and that I will be leaving work at 9 when Jylina arrives.  When I talked to Adam last night he suggested that I show up in the morning and then leave for the rest of the day to pick him up.  I thought it was a great idea.  I help Sara out in the morning and then spend the rest of the day with my love...who I'm desperate to see.  Her reply asked if I was going to come back after picking him up because Lianne is off tomorrow afternoon.  I wanted to reply back, "No.  I will not be coming back...especially on a Friday and especially on my last day.  Why would I do that?"  Instead I responded with, "probably not."  After a few minutes she came back with, "That puts us in a tight spot tomorrow."  And that really upset me.

#1.  I'm pregnant.  I already told you this.  I told you I needed to leave the stressful situation.  Do you honestly think guilt tripping me about coming back to work is a good idea?  Come on!

#2.  It's my last day Sara.  Don't be an idiot.  Why in the heck would I want to go back?  You and I both know I'm not happy there.

#3.  I have been in a panic all week knowing that I'm pregnant and not having my husband to calm and comfort me.  I need to get this panic feeling under control soon or I'm going to end up losing this baby.

My second message was to Laura, my sponsor telling her that I've got a lot on my plate and I'm just not sure I'm up for leading tonight.  She responded that she won't be there tonight...so it's all on me.

I feel shaky and my heart won't stop pounding.  I'm trying to do too many things at once, with too little sleep and very little support.  If it doesn't slow down soon my heart might just stop beating.  Seriously...I feel wave after wave of panic taking over my body. As soon as I begin to calm down another one comes on.  If Adam doesn't come home to me soon...I feel like I'm going to explode!